dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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