So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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