In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
