If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
