I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize