hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
