I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
