Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
