he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
