I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
