Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
