I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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