You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
