Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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