RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
