He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
