And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
