Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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