Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize