I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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