I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
