I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Randomize
