brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
