My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
