I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
