Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
