the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Enjoy the penises
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
