I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
