Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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