I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
FUCK WHALES
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