there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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