i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
