she woke up with a sticky ear
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
