I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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