If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Girls should come with a carfax report
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I intend to get homeless drunk
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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