My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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