Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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