Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
