lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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