There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
