Im at strip club and am horny
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The ass gains better be worth it
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