I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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