Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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