i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
