Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
