dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
