and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
