oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
