u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
