I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
