I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
