upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
