so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
