If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
