I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
