did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
