the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
