what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
