ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
