i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
