Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
