Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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