He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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