I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
