I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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