god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
